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"Our lives are a book that has already been written. The brilliance of the plan is that we are only given a chapter at a time..." ~A. Drayton Boylston

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Making Space for Love

I am 37 and about to go through a divorce.... something I never thought I would be going through.  I have been separated from my husband for seven months, and because he has needed to stay on my insurance, I agreed to provide that for him until he was ready to find something comparable on his own.

I have lived mostly alone for the past few months.  At first this was pretty difficult after not being alone in over 10 years.   But slowly I am getting acclimated.  The most difficult things for me have been the following....

Conquering the clutter I built up in my home in order to not deal with my own inner turmoil.  It took a good three months for me to do this, and it wasn't without help.  Patrick, my high school sweetheart and best friend, agreed to help me clean up.  His funny outlook on life and his way of pointing out what I was doing to myself and my home....in a non-threatening yet firm way.... helped me immeasurably.  I owe him a great deal.  My home is clean and there is plenty of space, but getting rid of all the junk was far from easy.

I also realized that not only did I have a strong memory of everything that happened between my husband and I.... but so did every room in the house and every piece of furniture.  I couldn't afford to replace everything, which would be ideal, but I have needed to try to clear the space as much as possible of negative energy.

My bed was the first thing I felt I needed to tackle.... especially since I had a boyfriend at the time I was separated.  I thought, "How can I possibly ever have another man in THIS bed ever again????" But I ditched the featherbed (which was really comfy but was years old anyway), and purchased a plush top mattress cover, black satin sheets, A deep purple microfiber comforter and MANY pillows.  I wanted to make my bed a piece of furniture that although was the same.....it looked a lot different.  My husband never liked satin sheets, so we never had them.  And the more unlike my husband's taste it could be, the better. 

Aside from needing to have my computer in my bedroom because I'm getting a roommate, the bedroom is reserved for sleep and love making (and work only when it has to be done).  I can still feel some negative energy, but not quite as heavily.  Eventually I will work on that some more.

Since I still desire a partner in life.... not necessarily a husband....I need to make space for that person to be in my life.  When he finally gets here, I want space in my closets, space in my room for his things, and space in my heart.

The below meditation/visualization was not my idea.... but ever since I saw it, it has become one of the many tools I have been using to help MAKE SPACE for the right person to come along and enjoy life with me.  I just loved the originality of it, the humor, and the POWER of it, that I just have to share it.  I use it so much that I know it well, so here goes :)

I hope you find this useful too :)


Find a comfortable seat, engage your imagination, and in your mind's eye visualize the driveway in front of your house.  If you live somewhere there is no driveway, pick the house you grew up in or any house that you have ever been in that has a driveway.  For the purpose of the exercise.... it is your house.

Now imagine that your ex - someone with whom you still feel attached to in either a positive or negative way -- has parked his car right in the middle of your driveway.  If your ex didn't have a car, make up the kind of car you think he would have had.

So, you are looking at the car of your ex, sitting parked in your driveway.  Maybe you're standing right next to it...maybe you're peering at it from a window or through a crack in the door.  Notice any feeling you have is you view this scene.

As you are looking at the car, you suddenly catch a glimpse of the biggest, baddest, tow truck you have ever seen.  It looks like one of those monster trucks with wheels that are nearly as tall as a normal car.  At first you think its going to drive right by....but then you realize its pulling right up to your ex's car!  It backs up to it, and sure enough, out comes the tow truck driver, who lowers that big hook right onto the bumper.  Watch as the tow truck raises half the car up off the ground, and listen as the engine cranks up.  Now the tow truck is driving forward and pulling your ex's car out of your driveway.  Notice how that feels for you.

After the tow truck has pulled away, you look down, and the first thing you notice is that the driveway where your ex's car was parked is filthy.  There's grease, oil, and dirt everywhere, and it looks like a mess.  You look back to see where the tow truck is taking the car, and you see that it's headed out of your neighborhood.   It's now on the highway or the freeway closest to your house and heading north.  So, if you are on the East Coast, the tow truck pulling your ex's car is on I-95 headed to Canada.  if you are on the West Coast, it's on I-5 headed north toward Alaska.  If you are in any other part of the country, pick the closest freeway and have it head north to the North Pole.

The tow truck keeps traveling north, and soon it's just past the North Pole.  It's picking up speed now.  It's going faster and faster until finally....you notice it has lifted off the ground entirely!  It's flying through the air like a plane taking off.  You watch it make its way up through the clouds, and then you see the tow truck driver, who has skillfully parachuted to safety.  The tow truck, with your ex's car in tow, is now in outer space and continues to head for the far reaches of the universe.  It has just passed out of the Milky Way, and it has already passed several black holes.  You are at your house, but you can see that the tow truck and the car are now beyond the furthest reaches of the universe.  You suddenly feel something in the palm of your hand, so you look down and see that there is a little box with a BIG red button on it.  When I say GO, you are going to push this button and blow the car up into a million tiny pieces.  Are you ready?
The car and the tow truck have just been blown into a gazillion pieces!  You can't even see the pieces because they are so small and so many lightyears away.  With a great sense of satisfaction and relief, you turn your attention once again to your driveway, to the spot where your ex's car was parked.  Once again, you notice that the driveway has accumulated years and years of abuse, neglect, dirt, and grease.  You realize now that this is totally unacceptable, so you gather yourself, roll up your sleeves, and get to work cleaning the space.  On the four corners of the driveway, I want you to imagine yourself placing four very tall candles.  The candles can be waist high, or be as tall as Tiki torches.  Make them as high as you would like them to be.  You now take a match or lighter and light the candles at each of the four corners of your driveway.

The moment you light them, you see a team in hazmat suits rushing in.  They have all sorts of cleaning products and equipment, and they begin to clean up the mess on the driveway.  The four candles continue to burn, and your hazmat crew is taking away the biggest pieces of debris, putting them into garbage bags.  Then they are getting into their truck and heading home for the day.  Leave the candles burning.  They are purifying your space, cleaning out the remnants of the past.  These candles are going to burn for the next 30 days, and today is only Day One.  Take a good look around, because tomorrow at the same time you will come back and continue to clean up your driveway.  The moment you put your attention on those four candles burning at the four corners of your driveway, the hazmat crew will come with scrub brushes, soap, new paint, asphalt....whatever your driveway needs to become fresh, clean and new again.  The goal is to make this driveway the most beautiful driveway you have ever seen.  Make it very inviting to your new love....so he can't wait to pull his car in.  Come back each day and see how far down the candles have burned, and see that the grease stains have faded or disappeared, only to be replaced by fresh pavement and beauty.

Each day as you return, you clean up this space even more -- adding plants and flowers around the driveway, and as you do, know that you are rolling out a cosmic welcome mat to your beloved.

After you're done with this visualization, affirm to yourself that you are ready to welcome a new love.  The internal space of your body and mind is becoming clear and open.  You are making room in your heart for the love of another.

Once we are done with the cleanup, my hazmat crew and I are having a block party :)

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