Sensuality is often downplayed in sex magick, and even in sex. No emphasis seems to ever be placed on sensual intimacy in books and other media. Too much emphasis is placed on the sex act itself....in particular, penetration. The attention of the heterosexual culture is around throbbing organs and moist holes....so much so that they are seen nearly as separate entities and not attached to actual people. The focus is on the end result and reaching the big O. Stereotypes exist....for example, that a woman should always spread her legs for the man, and that the man is always ready to go. If you start any kind of intimacy, it must always lead to sex, and completion of the act..
The other assumption is that only women can be sensual. Also, that men can not only never be sensual, but they don't appreciate the sensual nature of the body.
The stereotypes are unrealistic and used to pressure people to have a detached perspective. Sex is supposed to be just a thrust and a grunt.... there can be no actual intimacy involved. But everyone can be sensual.... and not every encounter has to lead to sex, nor does the man always have to be hard and ready.
The perpetuation of the stereotypes have made sex very mechanical and mundane. Intimacy breaks up the mechanical element and deepens the bond between two people on all levels...the mind, body, and spirit. Partners do not have to have the same belief system to enjoy a spiritual connection. A belief in something greater than oneself is enough of a common ground.
In order to experience sacred sexuality, one must experience sacred sensuality first and foremost. That involves getting in touch with your entire body, including but not limited to the genitals. Sacred sensuality involves all the senses, and using those senses to pleasure yourself and another person. The act of sex, if it occurs, is not about the sexual organs, or even about any magick if it is involved.... but about the whole person, the whole body, and revering who that person is and what they mean to you.
The mainstream concept of sexuality focuses so much on orgasm, that we neglect the sheer pleasure of the entire body and the intimate spirituality we can enjoy through the connection that the pleasure brings. Take your time to explore your partner's body. To experience that sacredness, be sure to explore your own first. Lightly touch your skin all over, not only your genitals. Play with your hair and try rough sensations like slapping or pinching to see how it feels to you. Pain is just stronger stimulation and can be part of the sensual experience too. Try different sensations by using different objects, like floggers or running a piece of fur or velvet along your skin. Randomly kiss parts of your body to see how it feels. Get in touch with your body and discover what it means to be sensual. Ranges in sensations are quite amazing and often overlooked in sex.
By getting to know yourself, you can show your partner what you like to do and what you like to feel. You can turn him or her on by demonstrating. Instead of focusing on sex, slow down. Undress each other and appreciate the beautiful view. Smell your partner, and kiss your partner in different places. Lose yourself in the moment. Experiment with different sensations, like trailing your nails along your partner's skin. Whisper sweet words and breathe on different parts of your partner's body. Pranic breathing....drawing energy from the air you breathe into your body... can also be directed to the part of your partner's body that you are stimulating, and can be very pleasurable. If sex does occur, the pleasure will be heightened by the build up of sensual foreplay.
The connection you create is the spiritual aspect of sensuality, and is missing in a lot of relationships these days. Learning to be sensual involves learning to connect with your body, with your sense of self, and learning to share that with another human being. Sensuality is the key to open the door to the mysteries.... and you will find that sex magick or any other work comes more easily with your connection to your partner. Drink each other in, and appreciate the whole self. Both of you are the Divine incarnate.
By staying in the now, and enjoying each moment with your partner, you lessen the possibility of tragedy occurring. The simple act of appreciating your partner reduces a lot of conflict.. It is our energetic connection with another human being that makes or breaks a relationship. And the experience of developing that connection should never really end.... you should always be delving deeper into the discovery of each other. You will keep rediscovering your partner, and getting closer to the Divine.
Once you have made a loving and magickal connection with someone, the experience can never really be tragic because it essentially lives on through all eternity, and through many lifetimes.