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"Our lives are a book that has already been written. The brilliance of the plan is that we are only given a chapter at a time..." ~A. Drayton Boylston

Friday, July 06, 2012

Going All In

I read a wonderful quote about romantic relationships today, from Gus "Gusto" Rowe.  It reads as follows....

"Relationships are a never ending-adjustment, towards yourself and towards your partner. Nothing in this world stays the same forever. That’s why there’s no such thing as an easy relationship. We see couples that look perfect for each other, grow old together, it’s only possible when those in the relationship work together all the time.
Understanding that person, your partner, is never an easy task. But somehow, we have to do it, to make the relationship last. People change, whether we like it or not. Sometimes, changes are necessary to make things better. It’s how we adapt, how we accept those changes, that help make the relationship work. When those changes happen, and the only thing we do is saying things like “You weren’t like this, you’ve changed, I don’t know you anymore,” that’s a waste of time and energy, and rather gives bad vibes to the relationship.

We can focus on the problem, or focus on the solution. Choices. Either we’re in or we’re out. There’s no such thing as a 50/50 relationship. When both parties give 100% and ask nothing in return, zip, zero, nada, then you have something very special indeed. ~ Gusto"
I couldn't agree more.  I see so many couples these days breaking up because "someone changed".  Change is a natural part of life, and I would expect my partner to grow and change, just as I would.  If you really love someone, and give to the relationship 100%, you should be happy for them and any positive changes in their personality and outlook.  
I married my husband when he was very young, 21, and he is certainly not the man today that he was then.  And that's ok.  I expected him to grow and change as a person.  But when I did, and started becoming more myself.... there was a lot of resentment there on his part.  Unfortunately abuse resulted.  I had to make a choice between him and becoming the person I wanted to be..... a choice that I never fathomed I would have to make.   We tried counseling but it just didn't work.... he wanted me to be the way I was before, and I just couldn't go backwards.  I needed to move forwards.
I used to fantasize about growing old with someone..... not necessarily being married, but having someone by my side.  A "partner in crime" so to speak.  But I never imagined that someone I thought was loyal and loving and would always stand by me.... would hate me for changing.  Now I find myself alone and stagnant in my life, because I wonder if he was right.  Is that the way things are nowadays?
I'm not an expert on relationships....obviously.  But when you love someone, you should be there for them and be supportive of their growth.  That much I know for sure.  If you're not all in..... why bother?  
Love is supposed to be fulfilling.  If neither party is all in.... there's no love.
Still waiting.

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